holiday

Patient · age 15
Admission · bone
Blood · O-

ward · 4 beds
tests · pending
status · held

    I remember when
    in hospital at age fifteen
    with bone cancer
    they didn't know
    what type
    or what to do
  

    and they ran
    the tests
    and the tests
    were slow
  

and it hurt a lot

    my right heel
    was
    an eggshell
    and when
    I walked
    it would break
    and when
    it broke
    they had
    to move
    the tests
  

    and all of my
    bones
    would hurt too
    and my wrists
    from the
    cannulas
  

    but I had friends
    three other beds
    in my room
    and they would
    be nice
    and we would
    talk
    and play Nintendo
  

    and they had
    good educations
    so I would ask them
    all day
    and they would
    teach me
    imprint on me
  

    and they would
    die
    but their scores would stay
    in the game
    until someone new
    beat them
  

    and I'd always
    be on top
    of the scoreboard
    because
    they rotated through
    and I stayed still
    while the doctors
    puzzled
  

    and I'd imagine
    the little bugs
    in my bones
    making a plan
    to liberate
    my body
  

    working out
    how to get
    from my bone
    into my
    blood
  

    and I'd imagine
    the little bugs
    in our house
    silverfish
    eating the carpet
    the best fed thing
    there
  

    and I'd imagine
    the bugs in
    software
    that I had spent
    years finding
    and exploring
  

    and I'd imagine
    the bugs in
    the society
    that meant that
    the bugs in my bone
    and the bugs in society
    and the bugs in the software
    never got any attention
  

    and there were
    needles
    and
    scans
    and
    doctors
    and
    the doctors
    had
    questions
    and
    decision trees
    and at the end of them
    would come
    a plan
    an exit
  

    an exit
    from the bed
    and maybe
    if we didn't hurry
    an exit from the
    world
  

    but my mum
    Alison
    at home
    finally had
    one less mouth
    to feed
  

    and a reason
    not to be near
    my dad
    a few nights
    a week
  

    and I
    finally had
    time to think
  

    about how
    you could
    build a world
    where the bugs
    in the software
    and the bugs in
    society
    could be tricked
    into fixing
    the bugs
    in the carpet
    and
    the bugs
    in my bones
    and
    the bugs
    in the software
    and
    the bugs
    in the social system
  

    so I'd
    wake up
    at 3am
    and dance
    in the bathroom
    to break my
    foot
    again
    on the tiles
    and
    again
  

    and I'd
    lay in bed
    and
    I'd think
    and I'd
  

    lie to them
    when I saw
    the doctor's face
    was nearing the
    bottom of a tree
    I would
    twist
    reset
    extend
  

// extend the holiday